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Review of the QM Union Show, 1st June

We were asked (then bribed) by Layla, who is Magenta for Dr. Scott's Extra Forks, to do a review of the performance of the RHPS at the Queen Margaret Union on June 1st 1999. WHAT A SHOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When we arrived (full costume, of course), the stage and props were being arranged, and an amazing Trixie was wandering about. She saw us, and walked in our direction, pulling her Rose-Tinted Glasses down to the tip of her nose and giving us curious looks. I spoke to Layla on the phone briefly before the performance (I met Layla in an internet chat room) and she recognised my Space Outfit, and approached. Following Layla was what appeared to be Kimi Wong! However, it turned out to be Jenny, who stood shyly behind Layla as it was her first ever show with The Forks.

We bought prop bags, and Layla went to be interviewed by a Channel 4 Camera Crew, and we stood about, looking out for cast members and anyone else in costume, when suddenly the Channel 4 people came up to us and demanded that we do an interview! During the interview, the Cast's Frank, Emma passed behind us and smacked Blondie (who was in a Riff Raff costume) up the arse with a rolled up whip, much to his shock, amazement and pleasure.

Soon the seats were full, and Carole and Kate ran on stage for a fantastic performance of "Gimme, Gimme, Gimme" Just as 'ABBA' finished, what looked much like 'the Village People' skipped on stage, it was Em, Neil, Chuck and Martin, all madly performing YMCA. And magically, before my very eyes, Emma's Police Outfit made it from being ON Emma to being ON the floor, and she was wearing what looked suspiciously like a perfect replica of Tim Curry's Frank outfit. When all this was over, Martin began the Virgin Sacrifice etc. wearing tight leather (ooh, kinky). Oor Mell dressed up as Wedding Scene Janet, and she fully participated in the Virgin Sacrifice, although it wasn't really voluntary!!!

The show began, and it saw the return of Layla and her Rose-Tinted glasses for a perfect Science Fiction. As the Wedding Scene approached, the rice came out of the prop bags ... and it flew at poor Mell from every direction!! Even cast members stopped to watch Mell wail for mercy, but finally the rice was all thrown, and the show continued, proving Carole to be a true Janet, and Jennie, who was Brad on the night, was an emergency stand in, but still managed to perform well. 'There's a light' went wonderfully and the cast charged into an excellent 'Time Warp' with Layla, Neil, Kate and of course Kimi - er ... Jenny.

Suddenly, from the back of the QM, burst Emma, performing Sweet T. so well that ever TIM would've been impressed. As the movie moved on to Rocky's Birth, Em and Chuck performed, almost putting Peter Hinwood and Tim Curry to shame. After an astounding 'I can make you a man' Martin had switched his kinky leather for a perfect Eddie outfit, and he and Kate Hot Patootied the place down. Ian, the fantastic narrator who was taking all sorts of shit from the audience then explained the situation and the Sex scenes began. The Sex Scenes flew past without any mistakes, and on to 'Touch Me' and there was little or no difference to the film (except the obvious lack of a tank). The Dinner Scene was very funny, as the cast put a sort of plate on Dr. Scott's head (Dr Scott was fabulously portrayed by Chris, who'd only seen the film a couple of times) and ate chocolate off it. Planet Schmanet was excellent, as Em and Carole raced around the audience, and then swiftly got ready for the floorshow.

The Floorshow was wonderful!!! The kick-line in 'Wild & Untamed Thing' was very well rehearsed, and it looked very well co-ordinated, only to be halted by Neil and Layla brandishing a Laser capable of emitting a beam of pure antimatter and Neil promptly killed off Kate, Emma and Chuck. Chris informed Neil that "Society must be protected" and Superheroes began. Carole got the shuffles and the falls perfectly, and at the end Neil and Chuck spun the world, both falling back at exactly the same time. As Ian finished Superheroes, Layla returned as Trixie, and everyone took a bow as their character came up.

It was all over, and Blondie accosted Em from the back, to tell her exactly what I have said in 3 words "It was brilliant!!!"

THE END
By Laura and Blondie but mostly Laura

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